Snow Days

Just came back from a walk through the snow. Having spent my entire life (prior to grad school) in California, I find snow to be magical. Nothing makes me happier than a snowy day. I love watching the flakes fall and then the cover of snow on the ground. I love going on walks to the park and watching the neighborhood children sled down the hill. Having never gone sledding myself I am jealous of their play, but do not want to interrupt their fun by asking to borrow their sled for a minute. My favorite things to do on snowy days is to walk through un-trodden snow. It is harder to walk though but its fun to look back and see only one set of footprints.

Granted, my view of snow as magical is probably highly romanticized. It snows very few times a winter in St Louis, and the snow that does fall doesn't seem to remain on the ground for more than a few days. I might feel differently if the snow was excessively deep and lasted for months on end. Even now I refuse to drive if there is now on the ground. This is both for my own safety and the safety of everyone else. I do not know how to drive in the snow and I don't want to put myself or others in harms way. But as the snow here doesn't seem to last for very long it hasn't been a problem thus far. I know that whenever snow is predicted there seems to be a mad rush the the grocery store (which I think is rather silly since only a few inches of snow seems to fall). But Most of the time I have plenty of groceries so I never worry. Also, school tends to be canceled if there is excessive snow and I can work on my research from home. And if ABSOLUTELY need to go into school I can bum a ride from several classmates in my neighborhood who are practiced at driving in the snow.

But my idea of a perfect day is a snowy/rainy day at home drinking tea.

Nightmares and Single Living

I feel like the world's biggest wimp for writing this post, but here it is.

Last night I had a series of nightmares. One right after the other. By the time 3am rolled around I was too freaked out to go back to bed. At that point all I wanted was someone in the same apartment with me that I could turn to for comfort. As much as I love my cat, he was not cutting it last night. I wanted to feel safe and he's not likely to protect me. So what did I do? I turned on every single light in my house, checked the locks on all my doors and windows, checked all of my closets and under my bed, and sat up in bed (with all the lights on) and read until I passed out. I felt like a six year old child. I even considered going out and buying a baseball bat for protection.

The sad part is, I have people I could call. Granted, they wouldn't have appreciated a 3am wake up call....but they would have picked up. Not only that, one of my best friends is my downstairs neighbor and I could have knocked on her door or called her and crashed on her couch. But I hate being perceived as being vulnerable so I tend not to ask for help. And even though everyone needs help on occasion and everyone has their vulnerable moments I couldn't bear to let those closest to me in and allow them to help. And yet here I am, sharing my vulnerability and fears with the nameless, faceless void that is the internet. And I'm okay with that for some reason. In fact, I'm more comfortable sharing this with strangers than I am with my family and friends. Granted, a few of them know about this blog, and frankly I doubt anyone besides those few people even follow this blog. But the great this about a blog is that anyone can read it. In fact, most of the blogs that I follow are written by complete strangers. I like the idea that you can share aspects of your life and thoughts with others and still have a semblance of anonymity. That by sharing with strangers, or even just putting thoughts out into the void, I'm able to reason them out better and get them out of my head in a somewhat organized fashion. Now maybe someday I'll be able to make that 3am phone call asking for comfort (or even better, have someone to turn to on the other side of the bed) but for now I'll just write here and send these thoughts out there.

Another year,

I figured that it was time for my semi-annual blog on my life. Trying once again to start blogging with any kind of regularity seems rather daunting.

I have finally finished my masters degree. Jeez, that took forever. Now onto the next of my projects that I need to do before getting my doctorate. To be honest, though I am glad that I have my masters, I find it to be rather anti-climactic. I mean, it was hard and I feel as though I learned a lot, but it just seems like a big assignment. And now that that assignment is done, I have move onto the next one.

In other news.....

I have fallen in love with the idea of moving to New England. I went there over the fall to visit a friend in Boston and while I was there I took a few days to check out Vermont and New Hampshire. And I LOVED it. I have been looking for a place that felt like "home" to me for quite some time, and I immediately felt comfortable both in Boston and in Vermont. Now granted, I didn't go to very many places in Vermont. Mostly I just drove around and checked out the scenery (it was fall--my favorite season--the foliage was BEAUTIFUL). I did go to Weston, VT and checked out The Vermont Country Store. It was awesome, but none of the Co-Proprietors (i.e., the Orton brothers) were there so that was a bit of a let down. I fully intend to go back to Vermont and check out Stowe and Burlington to see what those areas have to offer. I want to go back and see what the area is like during the other times of the year. Boston was great too. It was such a walkable city. If I had my druthers I would walk and take public transit everywhere. Unfortunately, both St Louis and Sacramento have horrible public transit systems so I have to drive everywhere.

Hmmm...I guess that is enough for now. I'm going to try to blog more, but I guess I say that at the close of every post.